The Epilogue, or Can't Sleep Redux
by BarthVader
Summary: One week after an incident with a certain abusive sibling, two teens find themselves subverting their usual roles.


**Dedicated to Steven aka Mr Dusk, who was a big inspiration for this story, and who hated it with all his might, and to Sam aka LolzWaitWhat, because without her example I probably wouldn't know how to write an inspirational character. I'd also like to thank WanderingBlackDragon for providing feedback that isn't completely worthless.**

 **Also, there will be subtle retcons in regards to the BPS ending. It was unavoidable.**

The sun was setting over the quiet suburbs of Peach Creek.

Eddy stared at a clipboard in his hand, disappointed. As he was crossing out things on the list, he noticed the setting sun through the window and decided he might as well make himself some dinner.

Having lost all the steam on the way to the kitchen, he settled on having a microwaved lasagna. Watching the plate spin in the machine, he started pondering about what happened last week.

Gambler's faracy. Fallacy? Something like that. That's what Sockhead kept calling this thing when he thought that after so much things going haywire, something would go right. But that's _precisely_ what happened. The right place, the right time, the right events, the stars aligned or whatever, and he managed to get more or less scot-free after what was the biggest failure that he ever experienced. He wasn't even grounded, for crying out loud!

Not that it mattered – he didn't feel like showing outside for a while.

With a ding, the plate in the microwave stopped turning. He pressed a button and the door opened, allowing him to grab a hot tray by the opposite corners. He put it on the counter and turned towards the drying rack to grab a-

"Fork?"

He took a step back, startled by a cutlery-wielding redhead. The way she pointed the fork at him was surprisingly intimidating.

"Yo." Lee Kanker greeted him.

Eddy scowled, snatching the fork out of her hand. "Good evening, Kanker."

"Y'know, sweetie," she looked at him with a grin, "we've known each other for a long while, we can switch to a first name basis." She outstretched her hand. "Lee."

The boy stared at her for a moment, then ignored her and sat down and started eating his meal.

"So, what are you up to, dreamboat?"

"Do you shee a boat shomewhur hurr?" Eddy swallowed. "I have a name. Hint: it's the same as my friends'. Starts with 'E', ends with two Ds and a Y."

"Yeah, whatever." Lee replied. "What are you up to, Eddy?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just trying to have some smalltalk."

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

After a barely noticeable pause, she said "No reason. Do I need one?"

Eddy glanced at her. "After a year of wrecking my stuff for laughs and giggles, _not_ being a complete jerk all of a sudden requires a reason."

Lee intertwined her fingers. "Meh, you wouldn't believe it anyway."

"Try me."

The Kanker closed her eyes for a moment and took a sharp breath. There was something odd about his nonchalance. Granted, Eddy was kinda nonchalant all the time, but it used to be based on his near-suicidal overconfidence. Now, it was something different, and it was putting her on edge.

"Y'know," she started, "after that incident with your bastard of a brother…" A pause. "I've been thinking for the past few days."

"Stop the presses." Eddy put another morsel in his mouth.

She let that remark slide. "Like, what is the difference between that guy and me?"

"He didn't try to shove his tongue down my throat."

"That was rhetorical." Lee muttered.

"We both know where it's going, so let's get to the point." he interrupted, scraping the sides of the cardboard tray. "All of a sudden, you feel bad and want to say sorry, right?"

Awkward silence followed.

"...how did you guess?"

"You act nice." he replied. "You coulda used the fact that you" cue air quotes, "'helped me', but instead you talk to me like an equal. For the first time ever."

She sighed. "The cat's outta the bag. There's a bit of pragmatism in this though, 'cause picking on you might piss off the entire street." She scratched her head. "But yeah, I kinda feel bad and I'm sorry, I guess."

She expected a laugh. Or a scoff. Or a 'yeah, right'. Literally any reaction that would boil down to 'this is a bad joke, right?'. Instead of that, the boy put last bit of lasagna in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

"Yeah, why not. Apology accepted."

Her jaw slightly lowered itself. "What?"

"What 'What'?"

"Just like that?" she stammered, unable to process what was happening, "Like, 'yeah, sure, shake hands and act like the last year didn't happen'?"

Eddy shrugged and outstretched his hand. "I mean, if you wanna shake hands, I can do so."

The voice in her head screaming to not look a gift horse in the mouth was drowned out by an alarm bell. "Alright, what's wrong with ya?"

"Nothing."

She grabbed him by the collar. "You are going to tell me what's wrong or else-"

"Or else your apology from _a moment ago_ will be void?" he cut in.

She wanted to punch him in the face for being a smartass, but, like most smartasses, he had a point. She didn't come there to start a fight. "Sorry for that." She released him. "I got carried away."

"Gotta live with that." He picked up the empty tray from the table and went to throw it away.

Lee spotted a clipboard on the table and picked it up. There was a list noted down next to a crude overhead drawing of a room, with rectangles marking the placement of the furniture. The list had a few positions, and much more were thoroughly crossed out.

"You planning to renovate your room?"

A thrown fork clanged in the kitchen sink. "Not mine, my brother's. I thought Lumpy could use a place to stay when his parents are mad at him. It doesn't matter though." Eddy yanked the clipboard from the girl's hand and ripped out the paper. "Nothing's gonna come outta this anyway." he said, crumpling it.

Lee took the sheet away from him and attempted to un-crumple it. "You never know until you try."

"I don't have to try." he spat, snatching the sheet. "Name one plan I had that worked out in the end."

"Well, there was…" she started, before realizing she didn't knew how to finish that sentence.

In spite of the rumors circulating on the streets, the Kankers didn't watch the Eds _all the time._ She didn't witness all his scam attempts. Sadly, the one she _did_ witness went one of two ways – either fell apart on their own, or fell apart because she and her sisters stepped in, which still counted as falling apart. That thought was _not_ helping her at the moment.

"So?" Eddy pushed.

"Uhhh…" she decided to go with the only thing that popped up in her mind, "I mean, the plan with your brother was clever."

Considering the awkward silence that followed, that was not the million dollar answer. "What plan?" Eddy asked.

"I mean, getting to him." she explained. "And then either he helps you out and you win, or you play the victim card and you win. A great plan, if you ask me."

Eddy let out a chuckle, and then a dry laugh.

"My 'plan' was to get to him. That's all." he started. "We didn't have food, we didn't have shelter, we didn't even know his _address_. We were wandering around for two days before stumbling into his freakin' trailer by accident." He took a long breath, then glanced at her. "I actually thought he'd help me out with that. Was that stupid?"

Lee shook her head. "Nah. I woulda stood up for May and Marie if someone would try to hurt them." she said, trying to convince herself as much as him.

A sigh. "Well, he didn't."

A long awkward pause followed, as Eddy tried to find the right words, and Lee didn't feel like interrupting him, or saying anything, for that matter. She had zero experience when it came to lifting spirits.

"When Ed… hit him back," he went on, "and all was said and done, I was just lying there in a pile, waiting for the mob to beat me up some more." An inhale. "And then they didn't. They muttered something that we've had enough, or we're not worth it, or whatever, and turned around and left. After a moment of licking our wounds we picked ourselves up and limped back home. You woulda expect our parents to get mad, wouldn't ya?"

Lee scratched her head. "Yeah, kinda."

"Mine weren't." he replied. "They were worried why I went to my brother instead of calling them. They thought they did _something_ wrong and didn't have the heart to punish me. I got scot-free from what was the biggest mess-up of my life, while doing nothing to earn it." He raised his head and stared Lee in the eyes. "And now _you_ come here and you're like 'yo, I was a jerk, sorry for that'."

He was _stoic_. Compared to the usual volume of his voice, he was whispering. Lee felt like she was talking to a fifty-year old, as opposed to a teenager slightly younger than her. The thought that his current state of mind was in part her fault was just the cherry on top of the cow pie.

"I try, I get shafted. I don't try, I get shafted. And then one day, after the biggest _goddamn_ failure, everything goes exactly right, without me doing anything to work for it." He lowered his head. "If nothing depends on what I do, why bother?"

A pause followed as the girl processed what he had said. "And… that's it? That's the end of it? You're gonna give up, sit down and rot?"

Eddy shrugged, and something inside the redhead snapped.

"This is a bad joke, right?" Now it was her turn to monologue. "Look at me."

"Or else?"

"Don't talk back for sixty seconds and just _look at me!_ " She pushed his chin upward. "I came here to apologize for a year of being the biggest bitch this side of the state. I thought you'd laugh me outta the room - and that was the best case scenario! And that somewow _worked_! Stand up!" She lifted him from his chair and placed him in standing position. "Straighten up! I mean, the fact that _I_ didn't get chased out of town proves that life isn't fair, but you can't let this get you down! Things don't get better if you don't _make_ them better! And you," she poked his chest, "you have the power and the means to go out there and make the world your bitch! And it's gonna feel _great!_ "

After a pause, allowing her to cool down, she added, in a normal voice. "So go and do that."

She watched a change in Eddy's expression, as he processed her impromptu motivational speech. For a brief moment, it seemed as if she gave him just the push he needed to get out of his stupor. It made her…

…proud of herself?

And then he let out a sigh.

"Nah." He sat back on his chair. "I can't do jack without Lumpy and Sockhead, and if we mess up, all three of us will get equally shafted. I can't do that to them."

Without a second thought, Lee took another chair and sat opposite him. "And what if _I_ helped ya?"

Eddy slowly raised his head, questioning whether what he heard was actually said by the person in front of him.

"Excuse me?"

"What if I helped you?" Lee repeated, slowly and deliberately.

"With what?" he asked. "What can you do?"

"I did some repair work and DIY in the trailer. And physical work, if carrying furnace fuel counts." Lee replied. "Also, I've got no reputation to lose, no one's gonna try and backtalk to me, and you can be sure as heck I'm gonna scream at you when you're about to do something stupid."

The boy didn't bother to hide his disbelief. "You'd be content with being a henchman?"

"A _partner_." Realizing the double meaning, she corrected herself. "A _business_ partner, that is."

For the first time that evening, Eddy started considering his options. The previous events seemed to indicate that he could turn the girl down without any repercussions, but there was something tempting about her proposal, in that very familiar 'risking everything for a promise of payoff' kind of way. What could possibly go wrong?

A lot of things, actually.

And then the door to his house was slammed open.

"Eddy, we're home!" a man bellowed. A few seconds later, two tall bulky adults peeked into the kitchen.

"Good evening, Eddy's dad and mom." Lee half-heartedly waved to the adults.

"Are you… being held against your will, son?" the mother asked, with just a hint of concern in her voice.

"Me?" The boy demonstrably stood up and marched around the table. "Nah, I'm not."

The father let out a sigh of relief. " _Finally_ you're willingly talking to a girl. You've been hanging around those two boys for ages, I thought you were-"

"Honey!"

"I want grandkids, alright?"

Eddy and Lee glanced sideways at each other. "Over my dead body." they said in unison.

"You've got something in common already." Eddy's dad chuckled. "Are you two hungry?"

The boy shrugged. "I just ate, to be fair."

"Kinda." Lee replied.

The man pointed at the fridge. "Help yourself, lady." He turned to his son. "We're gonna watch TV in the living room if you need us." He winked. "Good luck with the girl."

The parents left the kitchen. Having received the breadwinners' permission, Lee approached the refrigerator. "Your dad's a bit of a creep."

Eddy shrugged. "I'm surprised you're bothered by it."

"Do they even know who I am?" Lee pulled out a piece of sausage and some bread. "On second thought, I don't want to know the answer." She took a bite, and chewed it a bit. "Shoh," she swallowed, "what do we do now?"

"I have no idea."

After an awkward pause, Lee pointed at the discarded crumpled piece of paper on the table. "We could think about that room renovation idea. I can help. I made a coffee table outta old pallets once."

The boy looked at the paper, before crumbling it in his hands and tossing it to the bin. "Let's start from the beginning."

He picked up the clipboard and drew a crude rectangle on one half of the sheet. "So," he started, "let's put the stuffed camel _there_ …"

 **The original _Can't Sleep_ was one of the very first stories I've written, and it aged about as gracefully as a severed leg, so I nuked it years ago. Alas, I came up with an idea for how to rewrite it and tone down the unnecessary angst, so here we are. I mean, if shippers can write one and the same story over and over again, I can recycle ideas too. **

**Yes, I am petty.**


End file.
